My Johnny's Story Part 4

 I started to question what I really wanted to do in life: if Kisumai had chosen the path of being idols, what was my path? Even though I say that I "studied", I didn't really put any effort. I just stressed out to get good grades for my parents (even my grades are average) and never felt motivated to go beyond what was needed. But this changed when I realized what I truly wanted to do.

I started to get back into Hey! Say! Jump (after my dive into the Kisumai fandom) mostly because I was curious on how they were doing. First, I checked up on Yamada Ryosuke because I wasn't really interested in the other members (yes there was such a period in my life). He did this drama Risou no Musuko, back in 2012 and it was the perfect timing for me. There was nothing on tv that interested me and I hadn't watched a Japanese drama in ages.

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All the feelings of middle school came flooding back. I remembered spending late nights watching episode after episode. Yamada was gorgeous as ever (even in a maid outfit) and it also introduced me to Nakajima Yuto. Even though Yuto and Yamachan were in Hey! Say! 7 together.....I don't really recall Yuto at all. Weird, since Yuto was usually in the center back then. It goes to show that it doesn't matter which position someone has, a fan will find them no matter what. 

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From Nakajima Yuto, I started to think "Hey! Maybe I should actually learn about the other members" and so, my journey with JUMP began again .I like to call the period of high school and the beginning of university my "apart time" from JUMP, it's weird how I lost touch with the fandom even though I love them so much now.

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This brings me now to Inoo. He really fascinates me because he's just so RANDOM! I'm always guessing at what he'll do next.  XD I'm at a point where I can say that I love him ( not in a romantic way but a I-will-forever-support-him kind of way). Meeting JUMP has seriously been one of the best things in my life. When I didn't want to study, I looked at Inoo and saw how hard he was working. When I didn't feel happy, I saw Jump's smiles and cheered up. When I was bored, I was entertained by JUMP's silly antics.

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Actually Johnny's Entertainment has changed my life. Arashi, Hey! Say! Jump, Kis-My-Ft2, Kat-tun....They all helped me realize the strength, motivation, and hope that I never knew I had. They gave me more than I could ask for: they gave me a dream. No that's wrong. I realized my own dream with their help. It was in front of me all along....all I just needed a good straightforward push from Johnny's!

I'm starting to change into the person I want to be. I'm starting to reach out to people more and even went to my doctor about my depression (Btw I totally cried my eyeballs out as I told her all my problems. She said I did not have depression but told me to see a therapist. This is why you don't diagnose yourself on the internet people). I learned that relationships take work and in order to make friends, I need to put myself out there. I'm learning to like myself more because I'm actually working hard towards something I want. Not what others want of me. Of course, there's still a long way to go before I can achieve this dream but one step at a time. Kismai took a very long time to debut and I don't mind spending that amount of time pursuing my dreams! 

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My Johnny's Story isn't over, it won't be until the day I leave the fandom. But even then, the happiness and strength they've given me will remain for eternity. I'm grateful to have met such wonderful people. I hope I will be able to say "Thank You" to them one day. But all my joy and gratefulness and love can't be expressed in a single "Thank You". Well, it doesn't matter if my feelings don't reach them. As long as they are happy, I will try to be too. They'll keep carrying on with their lives and I will with mine. 

This brings me to one last question: What's your Johnny's Story?