My Johnny's Story Part 4

 I started to question what I really wanted to do in life: if Kisumai had chosen the path of being idols, what was my path? Even though I say that I "studied", I didn't really put any effort. I just stressed out to get good grades for my parents (even my grades are average) and never felt motivated to go beyond what was needed. But this changed when I realized what I truly wanted to do.

I started to get back into Hey! Say! Jump (after my dive into the Kisumai fandom) mostly because I was curious on how they were doing. First, I checked up on Yamada Ryosuke because I wasn't really interested in the other members (yes there was such a period in my life). He did this drama Risou no Musuko, back in 2012 and it was the perfect timing for me. There was nothing on tv that interested me and I hadn't watched a Japanese drama in ages.

risou.no.musuko

All the feelings of middle school came flooding back. I remembered spending late nights watching episode after episode. Yamada was gorgeous as ever (even in a maid outfit) and it also introduced me to Nakajima Yuto. Even though Yuto and Yamachan were in Hey! Say! 7 together.....I don't really recall Yuto at all. Weird, since Yuto was usually in the center back then. It goes to show that it doesn't matter which position someone has, a fan will find them no matter what. 

myfconline

From Nakajima Yuto, I started to think "Hey! Maybe I should actually learn about the other members" and so, my journey with JUMP began again .I like to call the period of high school and the beginning of university my "apart time" from JUMP, it's weird how I lost touch with the fandom even though I love them so much now.

crunchyroll

This brings me now to Inoo. He really fascinates me because he's just so RANDOM! I'm always guessing at what he'll do next.  XD I'm at a point where I can say that I love him ( not in a romantic way but a I-will-forever-support-him kind of way). Meeting JUMP has seriously been one of the best things in my life. When I didn't want to study, I looked at Inoo and saw how hard he was working. When I didn't feel happy, I saw Jump's smiles and cheered up. When I was bored, I was entertained by JUMP's silly antics.

fanpop

Actually Johnny's Entertainment has changed my life. Arashi, Hey! Say! Jump, Kis-My-Ft2, Kat-tun....They all helped me realize the strength, motivation, and hope that I never knew I had. They gave me more than I could ask for: they gave me a dream. No that's wrong. I realized my own dream with their help. It was in front of me all along....all I just needed a good straightforward push from Johnny's!

I'm starting to change into the person I want to be. I'm starting to reach out to people more and even went to my doctor about my depression (Btw I totally cried my eyeballs out as I told her all my problems. She said I did not have depression but told me to see a therapist. This is why you don't diagnose yourself on the internet people). I learned that relationships take work and in order to make friends, I need to put myself out there. I'm learning to like myself more because I'm actually working hard towards something I want. Not what others want of me. Of course, there's still a long way to go before I can achieve this dream but one step at a time. Kismai took a very long time to debut and I don't mind spending that amount of time pursuing my dreams! 

gsama

My Johnny's Story isn't over, it won't be until the day I leave the fandom. But even then, the happiness and strength they've given me will remain for eternity. I'm grateful to have met such wonderful people. I hope I will be able to say "Thank You" to them one day. But all my joy and gratefulness and love can't be expressed in a single "Thank You". Well, it doesn't matter if my feelings don't reach them. As long as they are happy, I will try to be too. They'll keep carrying on with their lives and I will with mine. 

This brings me to one last question: What's your Johnny's Story?

My Johhny's Story Part 3

It's not that everything in High School was horrible. There were good moments where I talked to friends, laughed with them. There were moments where I didn't worry at all, moments where I wanted to tell people about my adoration for Johnny's. Alas, I was too scared of what others would think to even mention a name.


One day I was bored and went through Newshfan's archive of stuff (I should add that this is before she quit lj). It was that day that I discovered Masuda Takahisa. Massu was different, he was quirky. I remember watching him on Waratte Iitomo, where he proudly said he would go to restaurants and eat alone. I thought he was really mature; he wasn't afraid to be by himself. His sense of fashion made him stand out, but he didn't mind standing out. His confidence and the way he carried myself fascinated me. And though, a single member wasn't enough for me to get into News, Massu was more than enough to keep my mind off things.

At my graduation ceremony, I received my diploma and left. While everyone else was taking photos and thanking teachers, I went straight home. No thank you's, No goodbye's, No tears. I didn't want any wavering memories, not even the good ones. I wanted to start somewhere new. If I didn't, I knew my past (along with regrets and weaknesses) would consume me completely. I stopped checking news sites, watching subbed videos on youtube, listening to any sort of JE music, or watching japanese dramas.

But change isn't easy. As soon as I got into university, I couldn't bear the pressures of keeping good grades, talking to people, or feeling motivated to do anything. It was too simple-minded to think that if I ran away, my depression would stay away. It became a cycle of go to class, go home, eat, and sleep. I didn't mind being alone but I hated feeling alone. I immersed myself in anime and manga: alternative universes where everything and anything could happen. I read books and more books, and somehow I found myself connecting to characters on a strange level- the same extent as I felt with Ueda, Yamada, Matsumoto, and  Masuda. For the time being, these fictional characters were enough to keep me going.

And as time passed, I started to get better. It was due to entirely different than JE, but I didn't feel so sad and worthless all the time. It wasn't as painful to look back into my past as it was before. Soon I became curious to see what was happening to the JE fandom.



Roughly around the middle of November 2012, Ai no Beat hit number 1 on the oricon charts. I listened to it  and all the feelings of being a fan came rushing back! I couldn't stop replaying the pv over and over again. I only had a faint recollection of Kis-My-Ft2, as there was a couple pictures in my Wink-up 2007 magazine. It's so weird how a group that I didn't give the time of day, had my full attention now.


Falling for Kitayama Hiromitsu was instant. His features definitely stood to me out of all the members. And I loved the way he danced and sang in the pv. There wasn't much information about him but I did discover a Kis-My-Ft2 community on Livejournal. Upon making an lj account for the first time in my life, I was shocked to see how many different subbers and fans there were. I only really knew of Newshfan back then.

When you watch making of's, read interviews or watch tv appearances, you can tell Mitsu's the one who's pulling the group alone. He's the one who keeps conversations going, he's the one who  takes things seriously (but isn't afraid to goof off at times). He's the one who hit Nikaido while crying because during their junior days, Nikaido wasn't putting much effort into the group and Kitayama was so passionate about the group.

I owe a lot to Mistu. Here he was, putting his all into this one dream while I was here doing nothing but complain and feel sorry about myself. Because of him, I learned that change can be scary- it can require lots of hard work and faith but in the end, it's definitely worth it.

My Johnny's Story Part 2

High school was Hell. Every night I would think of all the things that happened today that went wrong and all the things I wished I could have changed in the past. It was more than just typical teenage problems. Regardless if I had friends or not, I never really opened to anyone. Not even my parents. And though I wasn't bullied on a usual basis, there were the occasional times....during those times I would shut down. And it would takes days, weeks for me to recover and move on. Because I was a weak person who took others' words and actions to heart.

I couldn't focus on myself, so I focused on fictional characters in manga and anime, Matsumoto Jun, and Yamada Ryosuke. During this time, I discovered Kat-tun. I hated them at first because Akanishi Jin was the "enemy" of Matsumoto Jun. It was because of this video:

Looking back, it was a petty reason to dislike Jin (even though I'm still iffy about him now). It shows just how narrowed minded I was as a teenager. Still carrying a special place for Arashi in my heart, I didn't want to get into the Kat-tun fandom. But I listened to Real Face and thought they were the coolest guys ever. It was the first time in my life that I learned the names of ALL the members, even taking turns with each as my bias. My perspectives broaden, as I learned not to hate something just on first impressions.

Every Wednesday I would look forward to watching Cartoon Kat-tun....It was my favourite show because it made me laugh, it helped me understand more of the members' personalities, and it introduced me to more Japanese pop cultures (celebrities, talentos, artists, actors/actresses etc).


Through Cartoon Kat-tun, I felt an deep bond with Ueda Tatsuya. This was also the first time where I fell in love not based on appearances but on personality. For Jun and Yamada, I liked them because they looked cool. But tat-chan was special; sure, one can say that he is good looking but more than that, his personalities and struggles were what really drew me in. He was quiet, shy, and kind.  I loved his sweet angelic smile and his outbursts of random weird comments. I understood his feelings as he came from a family that expected and demanded a lot. These kinds of experiences were shared with someone who I never met, someone who lived on the other side of the world. I didn't feel alone for once in my life.

My very first JE album was Kat-tun's  Break the Records: By You & For You. My favourite song then was Ueda's song, Hana no Mau Machi, because he composed it himself and wrote the lyrics too!

Because just one show of Kat-tun wasn't enough for me. I searched for more subbed clips of them. This is how I stumbled upon Newshfan. You've definitely heard of her! She was the most famous english subber I knew. Not only was she fast, all her videos were available even if you didn't have a livejournal account. I never really knew that there were more subbers out there, I just had to make an lj account to find the communities. Only relying on newshfans' videos, I started watching making of, cms, random tv clips...she introduced me to Ya-ya-yah. Me being the ignorant fan I was, I only watched them for their entertaining personalities and silliness. I never learned the members' names until later...




However 3 major things happened in my high school life at this time.
1.  newshfan quit subbing in 2010 (she uploads videos now on her dreamwidth account)
2. cartoon kat-tun ended
3. mid life crisis of what i was going to do with my life

Deprived of releases or new things to watch, I grew out of the Kat-tun fandom.(At this point, I also wandered out of the Arashi and Yamada Ryosuke/ HS7 fandom).  I was occupied with more important things at the moments like what I was going to study after high school. I didn't have a dream, I always felt like I would find a middle income job and just live a normal, boring life.

I thought about death and the meaning of life a lot. Sometimes just sitting in my room, wondering endlessly. Sometimes reading books to escape these consuming thoughts. Sometimes listening to Japanese music.

My Johnny's Story Part 1

As commemoration for my 1st post, I'd like to talk about how I got into Johnny's and how they ultimately shaped the person I am today.

It all started in middle school. Because I moved soon after school started, I didn't know anyone in my class. I would always go straight home to watch anime, read manga, just distract myself from problems in the real world. I was very insecure and not confident in myself. This led to severe problems in high school. I was constantly on the internet, somewhere I didn't have to compare myself to others. Somehow I stumbled upon a drama called Hana Yori Dango. I was instantly hooked.



This girl was so confident, so strong in her beliefs... I wanted to become someone that sparkling and outspoken. To embody all the characteristics of Tsukushi, I decided to change...No, it was more like I wanted to change. I started to talk more to people and worked harder in school. But still I was scared that people hated me and would leave me out of conversations. No matter what insecurity still lingered.

Of course, the most prominent appeal of Hana Yori Dango was its romance. I fell in love with the characters, especially Domyouji. My thirteen year old dream was to find someone who understand me, love me unconditionally, and there for me....Matsumoto Jun was that someone.


Finding about Arashi was only natural as I liked researching more about Matsumoto. I started to listen to their music and to this day I recall the time where I discovered Wish. It was such a great pv: the outfits, the songs, the choreography....everything made me fall in love with the style of Johnny's. However, all dramas come to an end and I soon found myself empty and bored without any new episodes or music to listen to.



I started searching for more dramas to watch and came across Tantei Gakuen Q. Back then, it was hard for me to differentiate between acting and people's true personalities. Like the case with Mastumoto and Domyouji, it happened with Amakusa Ryu and Yamada Ryosuke. Ryu always had a solution for a problem and held a strong sense of justice. He was calm, cool, and smart. Someone who shone brighter whenever he was with friends. I thought real life Yamada was just like Ryu. Even more than wanting him to be my boyfriend, I wanted him to be my friend. Q class was the epitome of friendship and I envied them as friendship was something I always found lacking in my life.




Around this time, I also started watching Lovely Complex, where Hey! Say!7 sang the 2nd op and ed. I loved that song! It was something different: the slow piano intro, high pitched voices, catchy melody, and random lyrics. I loved it, though I didn't understand what the lyrics meant and never bothered to search the English translation.

Around 2007 or 2008, I bought my first Japanese magazine: Wink Up Sept 2007. It was then when I was mocked by family for liking "girlish" Japanese boys that I realized being a fan of Japanese culture carried a stigma. I did not buy any more magazines for a while after that. Even though my family did not approve of my hobbies, I still found myself looking at Yamada's pictures often and listening to Bon Bon and Hey! Say!.



I wasn't really interested in any other members other than Yamada. I learned about Chinen Yuri because he was quite popular but didn't feel excited about him, compared to my precious Yamada. It was as if I had tunnel vision.

Middle school passed quickly due to all my attention on Japanese dramas and such I went to High School. High school might have been one the toughest times in my life and it didn't help that I fantasized that my high school life would be glamorous (like that portrayed in dramas).