My Johhny's Story Part 3

It's not that everything in High School was horrible. There were good moments where I talked to friends, laughed with them. There were moments where I didn't worry at all, moments where I wanted to tell people about my adoration for Johnny's. Alas, I was too scared of what others would think to even mention a name.


One day I was bored and went through Newshfan's archive of stuff (I should add that this is before she quit lj). It was that day that I discovered Masuda Takahisa. Massu was different, he was quirky. I remember watching him on Waratte Iitomo, where he proudly said he would go to restaurants and eat alone. I thought he was really mature; he wasn't afraid to be by himself. His sense of fashion made him stand out, but he didn't mind standing out. His confidence and the way he carried myself fascinated me. And though, a single member wasn't enough for me to get into News, Massu was more than enough to keep my mind off things.

At my graduation ceremony, I received my diploma and left. While everyone else was taking photos and thanking teachers, I went straight home. No thank you's, No goodbye's, No tears. I didn't want any wavering memories, not even the good ones. I wanted to start somewhere new. If I didn't, I knew my past (along with regrets and weaknesses) would consume me completely. I stopped checking news sites, watching subbed videos on youtube, listening to any sort of JE music, or watching japanese dramas.

But change isn't easy. As soon as I got into university, I couldn't bear the pressures of keeping good grades, talking to people, or feeling motivated to do anything. It was too simple-minded to think that if I ran away, my depression would stay away. It became a cycle of go to class, go home, eat, and sleep. I didn't mind being alone but I hated feeling alone. I immersed myself in anime and manga: alternative universes where everything and anything could happen. I read books and more books, and somehow I found myself connecting to characters on a strange level- the same extent as I felt with Ueda, Yamada, Matsumoto, and  Masuda. For the time being, these fictional characters were enough to keep me going.

And as time passed, I started to get better. It was due to entirely different than JE, but I didn't feel so sad and worthless all the time. It wasn't as painful to look back into my past as it was before. Soon I became curious to see what was happening to the JE fandom.



Roughly around the middle of November 2012, Ai no Beat hit number 1 on the oricon charts. I listened to it  and all the feelings of being a fan came rushing back! I couldn't stop replaying the pv over and over again. I only had a faint recollection of Kis-My-Ft2, as there was a couple pictures in my Wink-up 2007 magazine. It's so weird how a group that I didn't give the time of day, had my full attention now.


Falling for Kitayama Hiromitsu was instant. His features definitely stood to me out of all the members. And I loved the way he danced and sang in the pv. There wasn't much information about him but I did discover a Kis-My-Ft2 community on Livejournal. Upon making an lj account for the first time in my life, I was shocked to see how many different subbers and fans there were. I only really knew of Newshfan back then.

When you watch making of's, read interviews or watch tv appearances, you can tell Mitsu's the one who's pulling the group alone. He's the one who keeps conversations going, he's the one who  takes things seriously (but isn't afraid to goof off at times). He's the one who hit Nikaido while crying because during their junior days, Nikaido wasn't putting much effort into the group and Kitayama was so passionate about the group.

I owe a lot to Mistu. Here he was, putting his all into this one dream while I was here doing nothing but complain and feel sorry about myself. Because of him, I learned that change can be scary- it can require lots of hard work and faith but in the end, it's definitely worth it.