I couldn't focus on myself, so I focused on fictional characters in manga and anime, Matsumoto Jun, and Yamada Ryosuke. During this time, I discovered Kat-tun. I hated them at first because Akanishi Jin was the "enemy" of Matsumoto Jun. It was because of this video:
Looking back, it was a petty reason to dislike Jin (even though I'm still iffy about him now). It shows just how narrowed minded I was as a teenager. Still carrying a special place for Arashi in my heart, I didn't want to get into the Kat-tun fandom. But I listened to Real Face and thought they were the coolest guys ever. It was the first time in my life that I learned the names of ALL the members, even taking turns with each as my bias. My perspectives broaden, as I learned not to hate something just on first impressions.
Every Wednesday I would look forward to watching Cartoon Kat-tun....It was my favourite show because it made me laugh, it helped me understand more of the members' personalities, and it introduced me to more Japanese pop cultures (celebrities, talentos, artists, actors/actresses etc).
Through Cartoon Kat-tun, I felt an deep bond with Ueda Tatsuya. This was also the first time where I fell in love not based on appearances but on personality. For Jun and Yamada, I liked them because they looked cool. But tat-chan was special; sure, one can say that he is good looking but more than that, his personalities and struggles were what really drew me in. He was quiet, shy, and kind. I loved his sweet angelic smile and his outbursts of random weird comments. I understood his feelings as he came from a family that expected and demanded a lot. These kinds of experiences were shared with someone who I never met, someone who lived on the other side of the world. I didn't feel alone for once in my life.
My very first JE album was Kat-tun's Break the Records: By You & For You. My favourite song then was Ueda's song, Hana no Mau Machi, because he composed it himself and wrote the lyrics too!
Because just one show of Kat-tun wasn't enough for me. I searched for more subbed clips of them. This is how I stumbled upon Newshfan. You've definitely heard of her! She was the most famous english subber I knew. Not only was she fast, all her videos were available even if you didn't have a livejournal account. I never really knew that there were more subbers out there, I just had to make an lj account to find the communities. Only relying on newshfans' videos, I started watching making of, cms, random tv clips...she introduced me to Ya-ya-yah. Me being the ignorant fan I was, I only watched them for their entertaining personalities and silliness. I never learned the members' names until later...
However 3 major things happened in my high school life at this time.
1. newshfan quit subbing in 2010 (she uploads videos now on her dreamwidth account)
2. cartoon kat-tun ended
3. mid life crisis of what i was going to do with my life
Deprived of releases or new things to watch, I grew out of the Kat-tun fandom.(At this point, I also wandered out of the Arashi and Yamada Ryosuke/ HS7 fandom). I was occupied with more important things at the moments like what I was going to study after high school. I didn't have a dream, I always felt like I would find a middle income job and just live a normal, boring life.
I thought about death and the meaning of life a lot. Sometimes just sitting in my room, wondering endlessly. Sometimes reading books to escape these consuming thoughts. Sometimes listening to Japanese music.
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